2019 seems to be flying. This year has been a year of such growth. Growth always seems like a cute Christian word. I am here to tell you that growth is filled with so much discomfort. The Lord has been stretching me in ways that I did not even think I could be stretched. 2019 has been showing me parts of myself that were hidden for so long. I am simply here to be transparent with you guys about 4 areas of weaknesses I am learning about myself so far this year.
- I have areas of my life that are not fully submitted to God. This has been one of the hardest pill for me to swallow so far this year. The Lord has been stripping away a lot of things in my life that stood in the way of my relationship with Him. I realized that after God stripped those things away, I felt empty. An example of this in my life is in the area of relationships and friendships. At this present moment I am currently single. This is pretty new for me because although I am not always in a relationship, I am almost always “entertaining” someone. Recently, the Lord had me delete the cell phone numbers of every man I was entertaining. This was difficult for me to do, nevertheless I obeyed. The Lord has been teaching me to find contentment in my singleness and He has been revealing my purpose to me in this season. The Lord also recently took me through a season of isolation in my friendships and I was crushed. This allowed me to see that I used people to fill voids in my life that only God is meant to fill. While it is important that we do not neglect Godly community, it is imperative that we do not make our community an idol. Godly communities are not a replacement for God but they should instead lead us to God. I am learning how to submit my need for a community to God and how to surrender my singleness to Him.
- I am Comfortable in Egypt. In Exodus, we see that the Lord calls His people out of Egypt to take them to the promised land. The Israelite’s were simply slaves in Egypt and God was bringing them into freedom. Slavery was comfortable to the people of Israel because that was all they knew. However, the journey from Egypt to the promised land is one that is filled with difficulties. Recently, God has been bringing me out of things so He can bring me into the promised land but it is difficult. Egypt is a place where you knew that your basic needs will be provided though you knew that you had to work tirelessly to ensure that you provide it yourself. The journey to the promised land is filled with uncertainty. You are relying on manna from heaven instead of working to get your own food. I have been in a place where I am comfortable in Egypt. Although I know that I want to move forward into the promised land, I have found myself wondering if I even have the strength to walk or if the promised land will be what I expect it to be. Guys, its hard to break out of your comfort zone into a land that you do not see yet. I am learning that although Egypt is a comfortable place, it will ultimately be a place of death if I do not leave. God has not called me to be a slave and I must trust that greater is ahead.
- I need the faith to be faithful. I shared with you all at the beginning of the year that the Lord wanted me to be consistent with my blog posts. As you guys know, I am finishing up my first book. To be totally transparent, the original zeal that I had to complete God’s work is no longer the same. When the Lord first led me to write blog posts, I received the instructions and fulfilled it with so much passion. 4 months into the year and I do not have as much passion to write anymore. I lost some passion because I started to believe that no one reads my blog posts. Writing a post takes hours and I started to believe the lies that my posts are irrelevant. The passion to publish my book has been reduced because I have been slightly held up due to finances. It takes a lot of faith to be faithful to your God given visions when you encounter oppositions. I am also starting to see how much I crave support. I tend to give up on dreams that I often believe are not supported by others. However, everyone will not support God’s vision for your life. I am big on support which is why it hurts when I do not receive the same support in return. While writing my book, I desperately craved support from my family but I have not received it in the way that I thought I would. I am learning to be okay with receiving little to no support because God did not show everyone the vision He showed me. I am also learning that people show support in different ways and it may simply not be the way I hoped to receive it.
- I lack knowledge of the Bible. I was raised in a Christian home so I knew a lot of scriptures because I was forced to learn it. However, I became comfortable in what I knew that I did not recognize what I did not know. In this season, I have been discovering parts of the Bible that I never knew existed. The Bible is filled with so much revelations that we cannot be comfortable with simply drinking the milk of the word. This is the season to move from milk to meat! There is so much gold in the Bible but sometimes we must dig to find the gold. Do not rely on google as an excuse to not know the Word for yourself. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” This revelation has made me desperate to want to know the Word of God for myself. Our prayer life changes as a result of knowing the Word because we are then able to pray God’s will.
I am working on the four things I listed so that it can become a strength rather than a weakness. I just want to encourage you that it is okay to have weaknesses as long as we surrender them to God. I look forward to sharing more content with you guys as the year continues!