“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons , neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39
For two days, I was in a weird place in my Christian walk. I used the word weird because it was a familiar place, yet it was unfamiliar because I have not been in that place in a while. Three days ago, the devil started attacking my mind and he reminded me of everything that I was not doing in God. Normally, I am able to recognize the attacks of the enemy and cast them down immediately but this time I let the negative thought linger and I believed that I will never be good enough for God because of my struggles. I believed that the inconsistencies in my walk made me incapable of being a true representative of Jesus. Condemnation ran its course in my mind and quite honestly, I allowed it because I believed that I deserved the condemnation I was experiencing. The purpose God had for me seemed unattainable because I could not see myself getting through the struggles in my walk.
I say this a lot, but I will admit once again that I am still a mess. I never claim to have this Christian walk all together and sometimes I feel like I am stuck in an unending cycle of struggles, falls and weaknesses. Recently, I went to God in prayer and I expressed to Him how I felt and what I was experiencing. God led me back to Romans 8:38-39 which is the verse I started this blog with and this verse had a deeper meaning to me this time. Something God revealed to me this time around is that He is a bigger savior than I am a sinner. The love of God covers the multitude of my sins and I am loved in spite of my weaknesses. My inconsistencies do not make me less of a Christian, it simply makes me a Christian who needs to rely on the Father for more grace. What makes the love of God so reckless is the fact that I am still considered blameless in His sight despite my plethora of sins. Another thing I had to remember is that although it may seem like I struggle in the same cycle of sin, I do not struggle on the same level anymore. Yes, I may occasionally struggle with lust but now I am able to yield the lust over to God rather than yield to pornography which I used to do before Christ. Yes, I may occasionally struggle with anger but now I know how to control my tongue even when I am angry. The fact that I am making progress is worth celebrating even if my struggles did not necessarily stop.
Another thing God reminded me when I shared how I felt with Him is that through my imperfections, people can still be led to Christ. There are numerous people in the Bible who brings me so much hope such as Paul the murderer, Rahab the prostitute, Tamar the adulteress, Peter the one who denied Jesus and David who was a man after God’s own heart but was also a man who took another man’s wife then went ahead to kill the man in order to cover his sin. The craziest part about the story of David is that the Lord who knew the heart of David still called him a man after God’s heart. This goes to show me that my sins do not disqualify me from the plans of God for my life because He sees the depth of my heart, but He still loves me the same.
In 2019, I simply want you to know that you are loved in spite of. The grace of God is the only way in which we can be changed so when you find yourself struggling in any area of your life, simply go to God to receive His grace. The voice of condemnation does not need to have a microphone on the stage of your life because the voice of the Father is still reaching out to you even during your struggles.