I almost gave up on my Christian walk last week. I hit a place in my walk that I have not been in a long time and I found myself let down by God. There is one specific thing that I was seeking God for and I sowed into it as well and to my surprise, God did not answer me. Because of this specific situation, I allowed the devil to plant seeds of doubts in my mind about the character of God and for a moment, I felt abandoned and unloved by God. Trials and testing are much easier to navigate when I am still hearing from God and I feel His presence with me. However, last week I felt like God was silent so I told myself I was done. This blog post was super hard for me to write which is why I am writing it on Monday morning rather than weeks in advance. I almost did not write this blog post because my emotions have been everywhere this past week. But God reminded me that As Christians we are only moved by the voice of God and not by our temporary emotions. I simply wanted to share a couple things that sustained me through last week and this is why I am still standing today.
One of the biggest things I had to remind myself was the fact that I have no other option apart from God. Giving up on God was a stupid idea because I have no life apart from God. I also had to remind myself that I have caused too much havoc to the kingdom of darkness for me to give up now. This reason is why it is important for us to burn our idols after we come to God because if we do not, we run back to those places when we run into troubles. (I will dedicate a whole blog post to idols soon because this is a common struggle with believers). After realizing that I had no other option apart from God, I received the strength I needed to fight through this season.
Something else God had to teach me is that God does not wound me to hurt me but rather He wounds me to prune me. The truth was that this trial revealed a lot about the state of my heart and it made sense while I had to be wounded. Hebrews 10:35-36 says “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” This verse is such an anchor for me in this season. I love the verse that it says “after you have done the will of God, you will received what he has promised.” The will of God for every believer is for us to be like Christ. Because of this, the Lord prunes us so that He can remove anything that is not in alignment with His will. The Lord use those silent seasons to develop patience, to develop hope, to develop peace, joy etc in us. The silent seasons are designed to mature us and have Christ formed in us. Fulfilling the will of God is much greater than receiving the promises of God.
“But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” -Job 23:8-10 This verse has also been a huge source of encouragement for me because I have come to realize that what I know about God is what will keep me grounded even when I do not hear or see God working. I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that God has me engraved on the palms of His hands. I know that the righteous will never be forsaken and their seed would not beg for bread. I know that God is for me and fighting on my behalf. I know that God is making all things work together for my good. Do not let what you see now make you forget what you know. You cannot allow your feelings to dictate to you the truth about God when God’s truth are clearly written in the Bible. It is important to remember that feelings are not evidence of the presence of God.
There are a lot of things to say on this topic but I told myself to not make the blog post too long so I will end with this point. I have resolved in my heart that even if God does not do what I am expecting, my faithfulness for Him will never change. God has given to me His greatest gift that even if He decides not to do anything else, He has already done more than enough. Silent seasons are tough but simply remember that you are already more than a conqueror.